goodbye

September 8, 2010 goodbye

just barely 2 hours into the trip, sitting alone at 39H.
i remember how i said i wished i could come back to HK once more during holidays, really life just throws you the greatest surprises.
but its not how i want it to be, i dont want to be coming back because of this.

dear uncle,
if you could somehow read this, in Heaven where you rest now. its a much better place i guess. after the years of everything you’ve went through, not just physically but more importantly emotionally. it was a huge ride, i know it pains you deeply but each time you’d never fail to smile and welcome me. gosh, i know it hurt really bad when we couldnt even see eye to eye, when all you relied on was your touch. what i’d do for time to turn back, where i’d be eating m&m’s on your bed, you’d be smoking your cigs, no matter how i persuaded you, you’d never quit. not that it matters now, but as i look back, could i have done more?

it was just months, before i saw you. you were eating macs (your daily meals i could tell, by the boxes of macdonald’s cups you had in your room), happily living the simplistic life. such a great difference from how it all was. what a difference. to me, you were still always the suave, charming and really bad-boy uncle from HK Navy. that image never left, i admired you. now, i’m on my way home, to see you one last time.

the funny thing, as i drove to school last tuesday, 31st Aug, my close friend asked me about the A/X watch i was wearing. i said there were 2, presents from you. i’m dead certain that you gave them both to me, i was so protective that i refused to let Boris take them to Canada. selfish yes, but i was the one who grew up with you. how would i know, that hours later, i’d get a msg from mummy, and i just broke down in tears. i dint care, it was in the business school canteen, but so what. i cursed, i cried, why do i never get to say goodbye, the final goodbye. even for gramps.

even as i come back now, i feel tears welling up soon. tmrw i know i’d cry madly. but like daddy said, you’ve gone to a better place, together with grandpa. and now grandma can live her life without worries each day, its cruel but i guess its a huge load off her mind too.

plane’s landing in HK soon, im glad i made this trip back. to send you off, to say goodbye one last time.
because of you, i’ve held firm never to pick up a stick ever, and i would never let myself hurt my parents and loved ones, to love myself so that i can love them back.

thanks uncle.
i love you

baldwin

Advertisement

• 1 comment
• Posted under emo, niwdlab